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Episode #102 "Don't Hide Your Bag"


In the hotel lobby, everyone's jumpy. It's an orange alert day. Mavis tells Nasim, who's really on edge, that it's fine to inform their patrons but not to scare them. Courtney and Rita enter, nuzzling as they walk. Get a room, Mavis tells them. Preferably somewhere in the deep South. Mavis tells Nasim to grab a cart. The big group from Toronto is here. Nasim freaks out. Toronto is SARS country. The orange alert is messing up his head, Mavis says. SARS has been over for months. Paying no attention, Nasim goes even crazier when it's revealed that one of the tourists is from Hong Kong. Nasim moves to another part of the lobby. He's spotted an unattended briefcase. Mavis reaches for the bag, but Nasim stops her. It could be a bomb. It's an unattended package on an orange day. Jadwiga Duda, the Polish housekeeper enters. Jadwiga admires the briefcase. If it doesn't explode, she'd like it for her husband. They're all crazy, says Mavis. Maybe, but if Mavis wants the case moved, she's going to have to do it herself, says Nasim. A few minutes later Mavis is outside smoking with Sophia who owns a diner near the hotel. Sophia's heard that there's a bomb in the lobby. Mavis thinks everyone's paranoid, but Sophia disagrees. This hotel's a terrorist's dream-wide open, no security. And besides, Mavis has a terrorist handyman who says it's a bomb. She's going to evacuate her restaurant. Mavis calls the police. The bomb squad arrives, hotel guests are evacuated and Mavis tells them the bomb squad will detonate the briefcase to find out if it's a bomb. Inside, Rita's very upset that Courtney has misplaced her three-month anniversary present. It's a briefcase. There's a loud explosion. Oops! Courtney thinks maybe the gangstas who hang out on the corner might have taken it. He's goes outside to talk to them. Look what happened because of his paranoia, Mavis tells Nasim. Courtney confronts a group of four young guys outside on the street. He tries to talk their language and sounds ridiculous. They leave as he threatens to put them behind bars. Mavis does a little research and learns that the briefcase was a Versace and cost about eight hundred dollars. Mavis grabs Nasim and heads for Canal Street in hopes of scoring a knock-off. They're in a cramped storefront filled with bags, scarves, electronics and people. SARS is on Nasim's mind again, because Canal Street is so near Chinatown. Mavis is trying to talk the saleswoman down to fifty dollars for a fake Versace when a mobile phone rings. Suddenly the roll-down door slams shut and the room darkens. FBI raid! The customers are herded into a back room. It's packed with people, and Mavis is about to have an attack of claustrophobia. She coughs and everyone shrinks away from her. She stands firm on her fifty dollar offer and they get their bag. The next day, Mavis brings a kid into the hotel who "confesses" to Courtney that he took the briefcase and returns it. The kid leaves and Mavis slips him a twenty. Courtney happily tells Rita that his briefcase has been found. Mavis notices a small package wrapped in brown paper in the lobby. She starts to panic. No worries, assures Nasim. It's a yellow day.

Mavis Rae
Whoopi Goldberg
Wren T. Brown
Omid Djalili
Elizabeth Regen

© 2006 The Carsey-Werner Company LLC All rights reserved.